Can a country ballad trick Tombras into thinking that I wrote all of their award-winning campaigns?
A picture of “me” riding a buffalo wing for a Daxby’s piece that Tombras did.
Tombras is one of the top advertising agencies in North America. They do a lot of national ads and my portfolio isn’t exactly full of them. But then I thought that maybe I could gaslight them into THINKING that I worked on a bunch of their most popular campaigns. So I looked at some of the work on their work page and wrote this song.
A song about two types of whiskey and Steak-ummms and Captain Obvious.
Here’s the text:
When my hair turns wispy, when my teeth fall out
When I’ve got just a couple marbles rollin’ about
When the grandkids come to say their last goodbyes.
I’ll tell ‘em the story of their old grand-dad
And the best damn time that he ever had.
That time he worked for Tombras, oh-Lord-oh-my.
I ate craters of moon pies for every meal
I ate a moon pie baby and I laughed while it squealed.
I never blinked and I never called it a sin.
I drank whiskey from the ocean and whiskey from Texas
And I’ll tell ya straight up and here’s what the facts is.
I never bitched that we never sold no gin.
But that ain’t my only Tombras adventure.
I joined the army, if I didn’t mention
I did my training at Fort Hotel Dot Com.
You can tell by my stripes that I made cap’n
Obvious, of course, and that’s how it happened.
Yes I did my service and I kept my cool and calm.
I rode a Buffalo wing in the wild wild west
I hunted for the muscle inside my chest,
The only one muscle that gets down to the heart.
I’m a real biggionaire and I swear I ain’t fakin.
I wrestled a man with a head made of Steak-umms
Just ask my good best fiends: I did my part.
So, you might wonder…it’s a question that’s rational:
How’d you ever get the job if you never wrote a national?
Didn’t somebody else write all them famous ads?
Well, maybe I didn’t write ‘em but I wrote this song
And I’ve kept your ear for at least this long.
And ye gotta admit–in this game, that ain’t too bad.
So when my heart stops pumpin, when the light go out
When my last couple marbles stop rollin’ about
When my life begins to flash before my eyes
I’ll revel in the story and I won’t be sad
Twas the best damn time that I ever had.
That time I worked for Tombras, oh-Lord-oh-my.
Anyway, I sent it off with my resume, so we’ll see! Oh, and if you’re a Tombrasian who has influence over such things, give me a shout!
The Lengths I Go To was my (thankfully) limited-series blog wherein I shared the different ways I tried to stand out during my job search. I did six of these, got three interviews and one job, so…..yeah!
